Waiting...but maybe not patiently

I  have heard so many people lately talk about their struggles. Seems like they are just waiting on God to move, to step in and make things better. If there's one thing I've learned about God is that He is a very loving Father, who cares about each and every one of us. He cares about what happens to us, and where we are. He also cares about our hearts. It took me the longest time to realize that even though He cares about what happens to me and what I am going through...He loves me too much to let me out of a situation unless I have grown from it in some way. Often times, He will use our struggles to draw us closer to Him. Close to Him is where we find giudance, love, healing, strength, and peace. Most importantly, we get to know Him. 

I have talked about a particular life turning event in my life so much, but you won't believe how God has transformed me through it. Nine years ago, close to Mother's Day...I miscarried. I was four months pregnant, and it was my first pregnancy. On Mother's Day, they performed a D and C to remove the unborn fetus. Heartbroken was just barely the key word that described what my heart felt like that day. For about 6 years after that, I felt like I was on this emotional roller coaster. One year I was okay, the next year I was an emotional mess. And of course, every Mother's Day, I started all over again. But during those times...God loved me. What I am trying to say here is, let God love you. God is not afraid of your emotions. As you open up more to Him and invite Him in to this place of pain, He will use it to transform you and your life. He wants to love you through it. Waiting can be very hard. I have been waiting 9 years to have children. I will be 31 this year. My husband is 41. Through transformation and drawing closer to God through that time in my life...I have a peace in the wait. Sometimes God makes us wait, so we can get to know His heart and how He really feels about us. I found a book at a christian book store, called "Hannah's Hope". I found a poem in there that truly helped me understand why I am having to wait. I hope it encourages you like it has me. The poem is called WAIT.

WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? Your say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me 'wait'?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no', to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm wearing of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut

And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all...is still...wait."