Freely Captivated

Let me just go out on a limb here and ask you...how many of us always want to take the shortcut??? I know I am not alone when I say ME! I want the closest parking spot, the shortest line, and the highway and roads to be clear when I am driving so I don't have to be stuck behind some slow poke doing 35 in a 45. And it's usually always when I have to be somewhere at a certain time. I hate waiting. I am pretty impatient.  As much as I'd like to say I have always gotten the shortcut to everything, it is DEFINITELY not true. I mean look at me. I am going on 32, been married for almost 11 years, and still...no children. I just now got into an awesome job that I love. Neither one of these have come easy. And one of them hasn't come yet at all. Apparently the prime of my life started after I turned 30. So if that's the case...the best is yet to come!  If there's one thing I have learned the past 11 years, is that God is not in a hurry. He doesn't take the sho...

As I am looking over my blog, I've realized I haven't written in awhile. I haven't really said much in awhile. But I have to confess, life has definitely thrown me a few curveballs that I was not expecting, that has left me with very few words. Perhaps that's why they are called curveballs. I mean, who really expects the ball to curve at the last minute during a throw, and make you strike out unexpectedly? Exactly. My husband had surgery back in March and he couldn't work for awhile. And then in June my dad passed away of a heart attack. Definitely not something I was expecting. I was brokenhearted for many reasons. Let me just tell you about me and my dad in a nutshell. My parents divorced when I was around 6 years old. He was always in and out of our lives from that point on. Over the course of my marriage I had seen my Dad more times than I had growing up. He used to be an alcoholic, and not a very good dad growing up. Perhaps that is the reason my parents di...

I have a confession. Almost eleven years ago when I met my husband, I was a smoker. I would smoke a whole pack within a day. I used this addiction to help control my stress and boredom. My husband prayed that I would quit,  and sure enough I did. And boy did I ever! He never asked me to quit and would never tell me that he didn't like it. But he prayed. God answers our husbands prayers, guys. I walked into the McDonalds he was working during this time, laid down my brand new pack of cigarettes and told him that I no longer wanted them. And just like that, a week later, around Valentines Day, I was completely smoke free! I went through a little depression and became weak, shaky, and dizzy. But what an awesome power of God that allows us to do something we never thought we could do! But I stand before you today with a new problem. My name is Amanda, and I...am a food addict. Ten years ago, I put down a four year addiction...and picked up a brand new one. Instead of smoking, I have ...

It's official. My body hates me. And why should I blame it. I haven't exactly been good to it or anything. When you don't take care of something, it just kind of...well...refuses to cooperate for the most part. That's a nice way of putting it. I've never really taken great care of my body. You kind of have to like it first. I've never liked my body. There, I said it. Yes I know it's not the greatest attitude to have. But it's the truth.  It's taken me a long time to get here. Liking myself, showing the real me, speaking out, thinking that I'm worth something. This girl four years ago would have never started her own blog, got up on any type of stage to sing, and applied for a job that was way out of her element. But I stand before you today a changed woman. It's taken a few years lol. But there was a lot of damage that God had to sort through, and boy did he ever! I never realized before I was married that He was capable of something so per...

I'm not really sure what sparks it. Most days I'll be okay, and then on some days I can't hold it in. It was probably from the other day. A co-worker had told me about one of her friends who miscarried twins at 20 weeks. Just the word "miscarriage" took me back. I'm not going to lie. That word stabs me every time. It's like when you lose someone to cancer or a car accident. When you hear those specific words, it brings back feelings. Feelings you've managed to control until that moment. I'm usually full of faith and proclaiming positive words over myself to help keep me going. Tonight is not the case. I recall how it felt, I recall the heart break. I recall the time of day and year. I recall the emptiness and void feeling I felt that day, and for awhile after. I recall every smell, every feeling, and every minute. I will always remember the child that I carried, even if it was for just a few months. Today, all I have is prayers, memories, wishes,...