Freely Captivated

I know, I know...I haven't posted in awhile. Shocker, right?? But I mean, I've had a lot going on. I've learned a lot these past few months. I've learned that I am still a control freak. God help my future children and any potential spouse they meet. Yeah...I'm gonna be THAT kind of mother-in-law. In the process of all the "stuff" I've had going on, I've learned that God is very capable of doing His part...as long as I am doing my part. As in, just doing my part. Not both of ours together. I am not God. And everyone said...amen.  My life in the past year has been rather interesting, yet heartbreaking, yet joyful. It's been like a roller coaster, to say the least. I hate roller coasters lol. There have been good moments, bad moments, and all those in-between moments that you just don't know what to do with. I've prayed, and cried, and yelled, and cried some more. You get the picture. It ain't been pretty. But somewhere in the midst o...

There have been days I've felt angry, frustrated, confused, disappointed, sick, and sad. All of these emotions have taken over me at least once in the past two months. And I admit, sometimes, they've just been too much to do anything. Work, go to church, live. Yep. I wish I could say that I've been super strong and full of faith during these weak moments and really dug my heels in, but I haven't. It's just been so hard. I didn't feel like being strong. I didn't feel like being positive. I was tired. I was wore out.  I didn't feel like being at church on Mother's Day for the simple fact that I, once again, don't yet have children. Every other year, I could do it. But sometimes you get so tired of being strong, being brave, being "happy" and positive. I just wasn't able to do it. I didn't want to be told Happy Mothers Day out of pity. I didn't want a card from my husband saying Happy Mothers Day. I really just wanted to be b...

Spring is here. Light is everywhere. The dark winter has passed. There is no longer any room for it, no matter how hard it tries to stay. That phrase alone can be taken in multiple forms. So let me ask you...what fears have been hiding in the shadows of your mind for awhile? What have you not faced? Truth can be the most difficult thing to face, no matter what it's about. Myself? I was a coward. I spent most of my life running away from my fears. Up until 4 years ago, I didn't want to sing in front of people. I had terrible stage fright. I was literally pushed up there by a very good friend who saw God's potential in me. I am very thankful for that shove. Now I get to do something every week that I absolutely love to do...without fear. To worship God with the gifts and talents He has given me is liberating in a sense I've never known or experienced before. It's changed my life forever. I believe it's brought a freedom to a heart that has spent half its lif...

I've lived a life of passive-aggressiveness. I wasn't the cool kid in school, or the academic one. Nor was I the sporty, popular one. Nerd, gothic, band major? Nope, that wasn't me either.  I was that one kid in the middle of all that. I did just enough to get by, and to stay under the radar. Didn't really want to talk to anyone, and forget about being brave enough to join any club or program. That meant that I would have had to put myself out there, and I didn't really like talking to people. I would have to be brave. I just couldn't do it. I was rejected a few times in school. I mean, who isn't? But I walked around, acting like a failure, before I even tried anything. I was in my own little prison. Life just passed me by like a blur. And when crap happened, I just ignored it in hopes it would all disappear on it's own. I was a very uninvolved person. I didn't care. I had been through a lot of stuff. I had so much pain stored up from different life...

You are WORTHY. You contain value. Yes, you. Whether you are the clumsy or the graceful one. The smart or the clueless one. The sporty or the girly one. The Betty Crocker or the fast food one. I think you get the point. Whatever you are...it is ENOUGH. You were bought at a price. BOUGHT. That means you were purchased intentionally....for a purpose. Do you go to a car dealership, shop around carefully until you have purchased the perfect car, just to look at it and keep it in your garage? Heck no! You take that baby out and about and show it off! You drive it to and from work, to transport your children back and forth. You get the idea. But since you bought the car it has accumulated value.  1 Peter 1:18-21 (The Message Bible) explains it this way... "Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ's sacred blood, you know. He died like an unble...

I really should be in bed by now, but I couldn't possibly sleep with all this excitement I have going on! I will share what I am excited about, but first...let me catch up. Last year, I started a weight loss journey. And then life happened. Actually, no. Life knocked me on my butt...slapped me around a few times...and kicked me while I was down. After all of that, I was able to catch my breath just enough to keep going. In March, my husband had gone through surgery. It June, my father passed away, and shortly after my father's death, I had family issues for awhile. Needless to say, with all that crap going on in my head (yes, I know...I said the "C" word)...I had no room to even think about healthy or weight loss. So many things together just paralyzed me for awhile in many ways. I have not written anything in awhile. I mean, how could I? I didn't even know my left from right during that time. It was almost like any life that remained was strangled out of m...