I am Yours Forever
It's beginning to sink in just a bit. It's a lot easier to have hope when you have nothing but time standing in your way. But when you come to the realization that you may actually have a real obstacle to overcome, it's heart breaking. I'm talking about having children. It seems to be a lot easier to talk about when you have your own blog and you can write whatever you want. And just to warn you....I may be writing about it a lot. Having children is a desire of my heart. I cling to what the word says about that....
"Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4)
I mean, of course I am going to have to work for it. That is the story of my life. I've had to work harder than anybody for everything I have. I just thought that maybe, this might be one of those easy times for me. It seems as though every other woman in America can conceive and give birth to beautiful babies. Not me...yet. I mean, really. They have sex and without even trying...BAM! Pregnant. It must be nice. I would give anything to be in their shoes. But then again...they may be struggling elsewhere. You never really know what people are going through in life. Even though their lives may look easy, it probably isn't.
In January 2003, I got pregnant. First and only pregnancy I've ever had. I was so excited about it. I had just gotten married in November 2002. Things seemed to be going great for me. I had a husband, a brand new relationship with God I never knew I could have, and I had a baby on the way. Life was good. Until May 2003, when I miscarried. But during this time, I prayed and told God that whatever happened, I would not let anything ruin or get in the way of this new relationship I had with Him. He changed me with His love. Not with His wrath or condemnation. God is not like that at all. So anything you've ever heard like that about Him, get it out of your head because it is a lie from the enemy. In Christ, there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1). I owed Him my life and my heart. Nothing in this world was going to change that. Not even a miscarriage. I told Him that whatever happened, I would not stop loving Him. I haven't.
So here I am, 9 years later. No baby. Yes you can read that again because it's true. I have had to wait that long lol. I am beginning to realize that the same method that obviously works for every other woman in America, may not work the same for me without a lot more effort involved. Am I aggravated? Of course! Yet again...I am just assuming this because the wait has been way too long. I need to start figuring out what the hold up is. I believe the Lord has ordered me to take that next step. I've been putting it off for awhile now, afraid of what the results may be. But I have to remember that my God will never leave me nor forsake me. He hasn't thus far. I have also come to the conclusion that no matter what the results will be, I will still love Him. How can I not? He sent His son to die on a cross for me and all my sin and shame. He has loved me since the beginning of time. He formed me in my mother's womb and has loved me ever since. He found me when I was down and out in my own terrible choices. I was broken, and had nothing to offer Him but these shattered pieces of my heart and life. Yet He took those ashes and turned them into something beautiful. He has healed me, restored me, transformed me, loved me, changed me, lifted me, and redeemed me. How can I not give Him my heart in return? Nothing can ever separate me from His love. I am forever His.
Romans 8:38-39..."And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
"Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4)
I mean, of course I am going to have to work for it. That is the story of my life. I've had to work harder than anybody for everything I have. I just thought that maybe, this might be one of those easy times for me. It seems as though every other woman in America can conceive and give birth to beautiful babies. Not me...yet. I mean, really. They have sex and without even trying...BAM! Pregnant. It must be nice. I would give anything to be in their shoes. But then again...they may be struggling elsewhere. You never really know what people are going through in life. Even though their lives may look easy, it probably isn't.
In January 2003, I got pregnant. First and only pregnancy I've ever had. I was so excited about it. I had just gotten married in November 2002. Things seemed to be going great for me. I had a husband, a brand new relationship with God I never knew I could have, and I had a baby on the way. Life was good. Until May 2003, when I miscarried. But during this time, I prayed and told God that whatever happened, I would not let anything ruin or get in the way of this new relationship I had with Him. He changed me with His love. Not with His wrath or condemnation. God is not like that at all. So anything you've ever heard like that about Him, get it out of your head because it is a lie from the enemy. In Christ, there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1). I owed Him my life and my heart. Nothing in this world was going to change that. Not even a miscarriage. I told Him that whatever happened, I would not stop loving Him. I haven't.
So here I am, 9 years later. No baby. Yes you can read that again because it's true. I have had to wait that long lol. I am beginning to realize that the same method that obviously works for every other woman in America, may not work the same for me without a lot more effort involved. Am I aggravated? Of course! Yet again...I am just assuming this because the wait has been way too long. I need to start figuring out what the hold up is. I believe the Lord has ordered me to take that next step. I've been putting it off for awhile now, afraid of what the results may be. But I have to remember that my God will never leave me nor forsake me. He hasn't thus far. I have also come to the conclusion that no matter what the results will be, I will still love Him. How can I not? He sent His son to die on a cross for me and all my sin and shame. He has loved me since the beginning of time. He formed me in my mother's womb and has loved me ever since. He found me when I was down and out in my own terrible choices. I was broken, and had nothing to offer Him but these shattered pieces of my heart and life. Yet He took those ashes and turned them into something beautiful. He has healed me, restored me, transformed me, loved me, changed me, lifted me, and redeemed me. How can I not give Him my heart in return? Nothing can ever separate me from His love. I am forever His.
Romans 8:38-39..."And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
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