So Long Self!

I've lived a life of passive-aggressiveness. I wasn't the cool kid in school, or the academic one. Nor was I the sporty, popular one. Nerd, gothic, band major? Nope, that wasn't me either.  I was that one kid in the middle of all that. I did just enough to get by, and to stay under the radar. Didn't really want to talk to anyone, and forget about being brave enough to join any club or program. That meant that I would have had to put myself out there, and I didn't really like talking to people. I would have to be brave. I just couldn't do it. I was rejected a few times in school. I mean, who isn't? But I walked around, acting like a failure, before I even tried anything. I was in my own little prison. Life just passed me by like a blur. And when crap happened, I just ignored it in hopes it would all disappear on it's own. I was a very uninvolved person. I didn't care. I had been through a lot of stuff. I had so much pain stored up from different life events, it was effecting my drive for life, my purpose. And when I say it was effecting me, I mean there was no drive or purpose. 

But I stand before you today redeemed, made whole, restored, healed, cleaned up. Then why have I continued to carry this passive-aggressive behavior even after my sweet Jesus has saved me? Pure selfishness and fear. Fear of what, you may ask? Not really sure. Fear of failing, fear of not getting my own way? Fear of people not liking me. And yes, also laziness. These are all sins. Delayed obedience is disobedience, and disobedience is sin. 

Ephesians 2:1 tells it better....

"It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah."

I am tired of living this all-about-me life. Jesus never lived that way. God has been so merciful and patient with me over the years. I really don't deserve everything that I have today. I'm extremely humbled by that. I was created for a purpose, for a calling. I'm still not sure what that is. Singing? Maybe. Writing? Perhaps. Or maybe He has placed gifts in me yet to be revealed for such a time as this. Only God really knows, and He doesn't expect us to see the big picture only His eyes are capable of seeing. We walk by faith, and not by sight. Sometimes we need to take a leap, and other times a baby step. And I do believe our gifts can change with the season he places us in. So if you think you aren't gifted in anything...you just hang tight. God's got a plan for you. He's got something special for you. I know I've been a pretty quiet person. But you better watch out...my spirit is about to get really loud! On fire and obedient to Jesus Christ. That's where I want to be. I left my house at noon, and I've done nothing but sit in the Kroger parking lot almost the entire time, worshipping and praying and with a stirred heart. I just had to write. God is changing things. The stale obedience to Christ is no longer enough. My sitting by the wayside attitude ain't gonna cut it anymore. I was created in the image of God. I know of a couple of areas in my life where God has been waiting patiently for my obedience, for me to say YES! What about you? Is God waiting for a YES from you in a certain area? Let's run to our Father with open arms and a willing heart. Let us be submissive to the changes He desires to make in us. For His kingdom. Something new is about to happen, and I want to be able to say I was there and I was involved, and I gave and sacrificed my all just as Jesus did for me. And when I get to heaven, I want to hear those precious words "Well done good and faithful servant". I want to make my Abba Father proud. It starts today. Are you on board? Let me leave you with a perfect song for this post. Enjoy!



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