Freely Captivated

Only a fool would run at this point. Or maybe a person with some sense. But not me. I'm no fool and sometimes I may not have any sense. It's all okay, though, because God understands me perfectly. Again, I say, only a fool would run at this point. What am I talking about? This old waiting game I should be so very good at by now. For the most part, I'm okay with it. But sometimes, it really gets my water boiling, you know what I mean? I thought the ball was rolling. I went to the doctor, got the fertility medicine. Now I am waiting to take it. I can't take it until a certain something comes to visit, and it apparently decided to reschedule. So I am not sure what the deal is with it all, and why I am at this stand still...yet again. However, I know what I was promised, and that is what I am holding out for. If I didn't know God and lived solely on my own abilities...I would run. I would have given up by now. I would have run for the hills and found another solutio...

Today, I learned a new lesson. Well, actually, it's not a "new" lesson. This is something God has been trying to tell me the past month. But sometimes, you know, we have selective hearing. Do you remember that famous annoying saying in an episode of The Simpsons, where they are all in the car and the kids keep repeating the same saying over and over again? "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"...lol. That has been me the past nine years. Yes nine. In case I've never mentioned it before, I am a planner. I love to plan my vacations, dates with my husaband, when I will eat next, what I will wear, what I will say, etc. You get the picture. I  have had to learn the past nine years how to be a "rider" and not the "driver". It's been one of the hardest lessons I think I've ever had to learn. I am kind of an uptight person. I've never really been one to just relax and enjoy the ride.  But sometimes, when it's been nine years...a...

Someone once said they didn't need anyone else, that she was miss independent who could do everything on  her own. Yeah, that foolish person, was me. I am a very independent person. I always try to do everything on my own. Sometimes I can be a handful, and terribly stubborn. Oh and let's not forget prideful. But now we're getting off subject. We were talking about being independent. That's me. I try really hard not to be. A lot of my independence is rooted from having to do so much on my own. I got my first job at 16, when I was living with my grandma because she wouldn't buy me what I needed. From that point on, I bought most of what I needed. I moved out when I turned 18, and lived on my own, taking care of myself until I got married to Ken. When you're used to not having anyone around that can or is willing to help you, it makes you a lot more independent. My father was never around, so I was taught by the women in my family, to be a strong woman who too...

Many years ago when I was young girl, I didn't have many friends. The friends I did have were very good at just sticking around so they could use me for what I had (which wasn't much), and as soon as I ran out, so did they. I never really accumulated any good friends. I just wanted people to like me. Someone to like me. I hated myself so much, I wanted someone to give me a good reason to like myself. I wanted to belong to someone, and have them call me their own. I thought maybe if someone considered me worthy enough to be their friend, I must be worth something. Well I didn't have much luck finding any good friends. Just users. I got used to it I guess. So then I started looking for a "man" that deemed me worthy enough to keep around. I swear I must have been a loser magnet. That is all I could seem to attract. For years I was on a search for self-worth. I looked in friends, men, family, and a bunch of other things that left me with no answers and completely ...

Ten years ago, I met my husband. After we had been dating for a very short time, we decided to get married. So you know, we went through the premarital process of getting a marriage license, counseling, blah blah blah. That year I got my first lesson on love from my pastor. During one of our premarital counseling sessions, he spoke to us about love and to this day I remember what he said to us. The one thing that he said that stuck in my mind and heart was "Love is a choice. It's not something you fall into and out of". That statement has helped me through so many arguments and fights with my husband during the first few years of our marriage. I didn't quite understand its concept until I had opportunities to live it out. My pastor was right. Media and family, and friends....they twist the idea of love. We've been taught all of our lives that love is a feeling. It's not. We may feel attraction and passion to a particular person. But love does not fall into...

It's beginning to sink in just a bit. It's a lot easier to have hope when you have nothing but time standing in your way. But when you come to the realization that you may actually have a real obstacle to overcome, it's heart breaking. I'm talking about having children. It seems to be a lot easier to talk about when you have your own blog and you can write whatever you want. And just to warn you....I may be writing about it a lot. Having children is a desire of my heart. I cling to what the word says about that.... "Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4) I mean, of course I am going to have to work for it. That is the story of my life. I've had to work harder than anybody for everything I have. I just thought that maybe, this might be one of those easy times for me. It seems as though every other woman in America can conceive and give birth to beautiful babies. Not me...yet. I mean, really. They have...

Sometimes in the midst of difficulty, it is so hard to find God's goodness in it. I mean, seriously. It is. If there is one thing I have learned about God over the past ten years of this young life (hehe)...is that He is good. It doesn't matter if life is good, or terrible, or stinks like a rotten tomato. He never changes. EVER. I used to think a long time ago that He was just the same as every other person I had ever met. I can thankfully say that He proved me wrong. In fact, He has been the ONLY one I can really trust and count on. You have to know the story behind my life to see how true that statement is. I wish I had time to share the amount of goodness God has placed in my life. There is so much of it, it's oozing out and spilling over like a good ole rootbeer float. You know, where the foam just kind of spills over the top? That is God's goodness. Don't worry, I am exactly like you in the sense that, yes, I do have trials and trouble and struggles. But I don...

Okay, so at work we have a new night supervisor. She started 4 weeks ago. She's 22 years old. Need I say more? Hold that thought for a moment. I originally got hired on to work dayshift. I got to know everyone on that shift, including management, and they got to know me and how I work. I have been told numerous times that I am a hard worker. I have been told once by the manager herself. I must be doing something right. Right? I got asked to go to night shift . I happily agreed because my husband works nights, and a couple of other good reasons.  I created a good reputation. I am not going to lie. Sometimes, I admit, I can be hateful. People at work know it too, unfortunately. But overall, I created a good reputation. Until I transferred over to night shift. The new supervisor doesn't know me yet. Instead of asking me what I already know, she assumes I know how to do nothing because she is the supervisor and I am just the employee. She assumes I don't do a good job, and ...

I  have heard so many people lately talk about their struggles. Seems like they are just waiting on God to move, to step in and make things better. If there's one thing I've learned about God is that He is a very loving Father, who cares about each and every one of us. He cares about what happens to us, and where we are. He also cares about our hearts. It took me the longest time to realize that even though He cares about what happens to me and what I am going through...He loves me too much to let me out of a situation unless I have grown from it in some way. Often times, He will use our struggles to draw us closer to Him. Close to Him is where we find giudance, love, healing, strength, and peace. Most importantly, we get to know Him.  I have talked about a particular life turning event in my life so much, but you won't believe how God has transformed me through it. Nine years ago, close to Mother's Day...I miscarried. I was four months pregnant, and it was my first p...

Sometimes in life, I feel like a dog. Bear with me, I'm going somewhere. You know, when you are walking and you have a certain focus and everything is fine, until...Squirrel! In an instant our focus changes. Sometimes we get so involved in other people, activities, or work, that we forget what our focus originally was that God had laid out before us. I am guilty of this. Sometimes we don't like it, so we try to get involved in doing our own thing and filling our time up with so much other stuff, it's just crazy! It Kind of makes me dizzy a little. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes we are called to do a lot of different things, and other times, we're not.  My husband and I work so much. That's the focal point God has given us right now. I feel guilty sometimes for working a lot. I don't have any children so it's not like I have any other priorities, specifically. However when I am not getting to be at every birthday party or every baseball game between all ...

Here I am, a normal and simple person, embarking upon this new journey of blog writing. Haha...I can't believe I was able to write that with a straight face. Actually, scratch the normal and simple. I am a huge dork, and I wish simplicity was my middle name. I make things more complicated than they have to be. That is the real me. Let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Amanda. I have been married to the sweetest, most loving guy a girl could find, for about 10 years. Here's comes the shocker. We don't have children...yet. Well, it seems to be a shock to most people, anyway. Trust me, being age 30 and childless doesn't exactly seem like the perfect combination, if you ask me. This is why I am glad I serve an all-knowing God. I don't have to know all of the answers.  So don't ask me why, because I am still trying to get an answer to that question myself. All I know is that God is more than able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all I may ask or thi...